If we’re keeping it real, we don’t always feel our best. Luckily, there’s positive affirmations for that. During the most recent Confidence Conversation, I sat down with mom, schoolteacher, and author extraordinaire Nancy Torres--a woman making her way through the world by learning and growing each day. Nancy wrote her latest book, “Say It With Me,” not just as a tribute to her morning routine with her son, but as an inspiration to herself during a time when she needed positive affirmations the most. Nancy’s journey into motherhood was a beautiful one, but it was also a difficult transition which left her piecing together her identity to find the core of herself. Through positive affirmations, intention setting, counseling, and prayer, Nancy was able to find the light within herself, and spread that light to others. Here’s some gems of knowledge we discussed during our Confidence Conversation:
Confidence is being able to be true to yourself no matter the circumstance. Nancy says that confidence is knowing who you are, where you are, and understanding what you need to get back to that healthy balance of humility and self acceptance. At its core, confidence is self awareness, self love, and the ability to embrace the core essence of you.
Sometimes your best work comes from addressing your own needs. When Nancy wrote “Say It With Me,” she was a new mom who was faced with lots of life changes. Not only had she given birth for the first time, but she was also a new stepmom and a new wife. Her book of positive affirmations came from something she needed herself--assurance that she was on the right path. It’s easy to look outside of yourself for the answer to your next big idea, but if you’re like Nancy, you might just find that the answer is within.
Positive affirmations positively work. Positive affirmations get you into a mindset and frequency of power. Even on your worst days, it’s important to pump yourself up with words that speak to where you want to be, not where you are, because that puts you in the right mindset and gives you the motivation you need to actually get there. The positive affirmations Nancy uses to get her day started are “I am enough,” and “I can do hard things.”
The journey into motherhood is beautiful and rewarding, but it’s also hard. Oftentimes we only hear the positive aspects of a woman’s transition into motherhood, and while it’s a wonderful experience, it’s also life changing. It’s not uncommon for new moms to struggle with questions of identity and purpose. If you’re going through this, please know that you are not alone and take the time to fill your own cup so that you’re not pouring from an empty place. You got this!
Learning how to accept compliments is a form of self love. If you’re anything like Nancy and I you might have the tendency to brushoff or downplay compliments, saying things like “oh, it’s no big deal.” While this is a form of humility, it may be a little too humble. True confidence allows us to accept acknowledgement for our accomplishments. Sure, we’re not perfect, but there’s nothing wrong with accepting praise when we do great things.
Striving for perfect can prevent you from getting started. Let’s face it, there’s no such thing as perfect. As Nancy says, your 80% is someone else’s 100%. Oftentimes our projects and great ideas don’t even get off the ground because we’re too worried about executing them perfectly. It’s time to cast perfectionism aside, do it messy, and improve along the way.
Vulnerability and transparency can help you crack the confidence code. When we get real and transparent with ourselves we are able to accept our situations for what they are and determine a pathway forward. This is true in both our internal and interpersonal worlds. Expressing our thoughts and feelings can feel like a weakness, because we are opening ourselves up and showing insecurities and doubts. However, building from vulnerability is a real space that allows us to confront our issues head on, raise our awareness of what we need, and stand in our truth.
To build genuine human connections, we have to create a safe space. As humans it’s completely natural to want to get to the core of things, but before we are actually able to do that in our relationships we have to feel comfortable and safe. Creating a safe space starts with effective communication and requires both parties to listen and speak from a place of honesty and intention. When listening, it’s crucial to distinguish between the narratives in our heads and what someone is actually saying, and to seek clarification when needed.
If you want your needs met you need to be vocal about them. It’s human nature to expect people to be able to read your mind, especially when you’re in a relationship with that person or have known them for a long time. However, the truth is that we all come to the table with our own experiences and perspectives which influence the way that we react, respond, and pick up on social cues. Thus, it’s not fair or even practical to expect for others to readily know what we are thinking or what we need without telling them.
To beat imposter syndrome, it’s helpful to check the facts. If you’ve ever fallen victim to imposter syndrome it’s likely because you’re comparing yourself to others and not checking the facts of your life and your own existence. The fact is that you have put in the work, you deserve to be where you are, and your presence and accomplishments did not happen by mistake.
Are you ready to say it with her? Order Nancy's new book to get your day started the right way.